Given my recent admission that I really believe in fear.  I can feel it in my stomach right now and probably will well past the time my plane departs on January 2nd and as I do a host of other risky things between now and then.

Maybe what I’m looking to celebrate or encourage or connect with is not a lack of fear but, embracing fear and walking towards it with courage.  Perhaps what I’m trying to connect with is bravery and personal power in the face of fear.  Perhaps it is honouring fear and admitting that something is completely unknown and yet, I’m still going to take a leap of faith becomes I feel that I will be better for it in some way.

Further along in the Joy Diet by Martha Beck (which I’ve been drawn to re-read because of this topic) she writes…

“Whenever you are contemplating a risk that is necessary to achieve your heart’s desires, there will come a time when the only option is to live with a demon spirit – the ghost of a hope that will not leave you and will not die – or walk right into the thing that terrifies you most … Oh, you’ll still be scared.  If you’re doing something really important, you’ll be scared beyond description.  But you’ll also feel the yearning to go on, fear or no fear.”

That’s how I feel.  It’s like this trip is a personal pilgrimage that I must embark on – no matter how great my fear – to mark my new life as an independent woman and navigator towards joy.  I need to go exploring the great big world around me and inside of me.  I need to open up to even greater unknowns.

Perhaps you know this kind of fear too.  There’s something big that you really want to do but, it just seems to big and hairy to face.  Or – other people do it but “I” can’t do it for any variety of reasons.  What does your heart want that just seems way too big?